Childbirth Documentaries

I've watched a few since I had Simon.  Bad idea.  They bring up all the horrible things I did to him in the days before he was born.  Sadly, I was too weak to deal with the pain so there were drugs.  But then the pain was made worse by the fact that I had to be induced.  Or did I?  And as I read and see tales of the euphoria of mothers natural-birthing their children I feel absolutely cheated.  For medical reasons Simon had to be torn from me the instant he was born and whisked away to have his lungs and stomach suctioned out.  The first time I really saw him he was all clean and neat and wrapped up tidy.  As I looked at him I thought to myself, "I guess this is my son."  It was all to clinical and sterile and I didn't feel the bonding I thought I would. 

The bonding came afterward in late nights filled with tears and frustration as I tried to nurse.  I can't imagine loving him more.  But when I think of his birth it isn't what I had hoped.  I really need to stop watching that stuff.