Nope, still doesn't feel real.

Well, I saw an interesting live show this morning.  Blaine and I went to be very early last night knowing we'd have to get up about 4am today for the ultrasound.  Good for us, because we both woke up around midnight wide awake.  After a couple of hours we decided we may as well be up for the day.  Lucky me had the day off from work.  Him, not so much.

We got to the hospital in plenty of time for good parking which is always a win.  Then we played our usual waiting game.  Our appointment was at 7:00 and I guess we weren't the only ones tired because the chick sitting next to me waiting was sawing some pretty serious logs.  Then, about 8:00 I finally got called back to the secondary waiting room where boys weren't welcome.  Got to watch a bit of the Today Show and see Robert "Twilight" Pattinson greet a million screaming fans.  Good thing Blaine wasn't there.

After some bubble-popping on the phone, the show finally got on the road.  They had a trainee do some of it, then the trainer.  I tried to look but couldn't see much of anything given the angle of the monitor and the fact that it's an ultrasound and therefore indiscernible.  That's okay because I was waiting for my baby daddy to join us.  I'd read in a book that it's good to go with a full bladder, advice which I took eagerly.  At only 18 weeks it's on the early side for an ultrasound and I wanted to see as much as I could.  Boy, was my bladder full. 

Then Dad joined the party and they did a few more of the organs and whatnot.  Finally I could kind of see.  I could see the heart (they said it has four ventricles - hope that's good!), the spine, and the fingers.  I also saw the bladder, which for some reason really stands out.  I sort of saw a face but I could never quite tell what part of the face and from what direction.  But I was assured it was a face.  There was also no indication if we'd "put the stem on the apple" which is good since we (I) don't want to know.

It's really mind-blowing to see that, the spine and fingers, and know that it's all sort of assembling itself and seems to be doing a pretty decent job of it so far.  We're just praying it gets my back, not dad's.  I still can't tell if I feel it moving.  Sometimes I think I might, but who knows.  It's my first so I have no clue.  Some day I'll feel something and have no doubt.  Some day I'll see a foot shape punching at my belly.  

They did have a few glitches with the machine.  I felt like suggesting they get a Mac ultrasound, but bit my tongue.  I don't have any pictures yet, unfortunately.  I hope to have some soon.  They said everything looks good, which is nice to hear.  I do get to have another one in about 6 weeks when everything is more developed. 

Okay, so maybe I really am pregnant after all.

Tuesday I went for my first checkup.  I dragged my husband out of bed at 5:00 AM for our 7:00 appointment.  I figured having an appointment that early would mean no waiting, but I was wrong.  We sat in horribly uncomfortable chairs for some time.  My sister-in-law works at the hospital just across the hall from my midwife and she knew we were coming so she stopped to say hey.

Finally, the fun began.  I was weighed and I swear I still haven't gained in pounds but dang if I'm not bigger all over.  Then they drew about 8 pints of blood.  Now, I'm not fan of needles and my sweet husband held my hand.  I didn't realize how hard I was squeezing but afterward he said, "That really hurt!"  It was a nice little dry run for the big show, so to speak.  Maybe I really will break his hand.

Then the midwife went through a bunch of questions and then asked, "Is she your sister?"  My husband says, "No, she's my wife."  Turns out she was asking about our sister-in-law.  But really, I know this is Texas but it's not Alabamy.  I got a chuckle out of it.

So, like I've mentioned here and have said several times to various people, I really don't feel "pregnant", whatever that's supposed to be.  I just feel extremely tired and a bit queasy now and then.  But I don't feel any movement or anything.  I guess I just thought I'd feel more in my tummy than I do.  I was actually a little concerned.

But then the midwife pulled out the ol' mike and stuck it on my belly.  Boy, what a heartbeat we heard!  Before it even had time to register she announced that it was mine and felt my pulse to confirm.  She moved the thing around for a bit and finally picked up another heartbeat.  It didn't last very long before the baby moved, but we heard it and I'll admit I really choked back tears.

Even though I knew I was pregnant, and every time I doubted it my husband would confirm that yes, the crazy, tired, HUNGRY, sick lady is pregnant, it didn't feel real.  Hearing the heartbeat drove it home that there is indeed another person inside me.

So now I'm looking for a pain-free way to get it out of me when the time comes.  Any suggestions, ladies?  Any chance I'll wake up one late-April day to find a cute snuggly baby peacefully asleep next to me?  Any chance a drunk stork will show up at my door one day with  Or do I really have to go through labor?  Because I'm really not sure how keen I am on that prospect.  Here's hoping I'm one of them chicks that births so quick she can't even get to the hospital in time.  That would spare my husband two broken hands, I reckon.

We were both really excited to hear the heartbeat.  It was after it was all over that Blah told me he nearly didn't come with me.  5:00 came awful early that day and he wasn't so sure he was going to make it.  But we're both glad he did.  I think it made his day.

Sleeping Like a Baby

I sleep like a baby these days.  I wake up every two hours crying and demanding food.  Right now, for added fun, I'm battling sinus headaches.  Usually the act of chewing will help clear things up for a bit.  So, not only does food quiet my stomach, it also helps my head.  Usually.  Tonight is bad.  Tonight I wonder how much one little decongestant can hurt.  I mean, really.  But no.  If I give in now, by the end of my pregnancy I'll be washing down my vicodin with Jack Daniels after smoking a pack of Camels, filters removed.  Then I'll really sleep.

Being pregnant is more or less what I expected, save for the crazy hunger.  I have no tolerance for pain and am pretty much a Nance, so I never could see myself as one of them gals that "glows" and has a cute little tummy.  Nope, to hear and see me when I wake up you'd think I was about to birth the baby tomorrow.  I come staggering into work looking like I had a bit too much fun the night before.  I run through a catalog of foodstuffs in my mind trying to figure out what sounds least repulsive.  Even eggs, which have slightly less flavor than white bread, frequently make my stomach turn.

I keep trying to remind myself that it's all worth it.  I'm sure I'll come around.  Once I hear the heartbeat and see the first blobby images on the ultrasound will reinforce that yes, this is due to a little one growing inside me.  Right now I don't feel pregnant.  I don't feel moving.  I'm not showing.  It's still a little abstract.  And someday when I have an elbow in my ribcage and foot on my bladder I'll wax nostalgic for these days.  I guess I just need to appreciate where I am.

A real pain

Well, my days of being the pregnant lady getting waited on hand and foot are over.  The mister threw his back out.  Seems like it might be for real this time.  I've never seen him in so much pain, and that's saying something.  We're praying it's not a ruptured disk, but I'm afraid that might be what it is.  So, between my non-existent energy level and his being unable to sit or stand or lay or move or laugh, we're quite a pair.  If anyone wants to hire us a maid it would be appreciated.  But, here I am going on and it's 8:40, way past my bedtime. 

Tomorrow I'm going to call and make my for-real doctor appointment.  Right now I don't "feel pregnant" so it just doesn't seem real.   I understand that's fairly common and I'm trying not to worry, but I'll feel better when I hear the little heartbeat.  I just feel tired and hungry and sometimes queasy.  I'm looking forward to feeling the baby move.  I understand that's kinda neat.

No, I'm not showing yet. That's just all the donuts.

I have the next two days off and am looking forward to celebrating Labor Day.  I'm not sure how much I'm looking forward to Labor Day in April.  I have a lot of decisions to make and I'm not really relishing it.  The biggest is what doctor do I use.  The second is how do I pay for it all?  One decision I've definitely already made is no one is to know what this child is until I birth it.  To me, that's part of the surprise and wonder of it all.  Plus, heaven forbid I have a girl and people find out ahead of time I'll be cursed with a nursery full of pink.  Or, if it's a boy it will be footballs and trucks.  I'm much happier with unisex stuff like this.  Now, isn't that much better than forcing Junior into some pre-determined gender stereotype roll?  I guess I'm just a child of the Free to Be You and Me Generation.  (Great Marcy Playground song by the way)  ((That's something you don't hear too often))

I'm experiencing the joys of having to keep food on my tummy at all times.  I love having to spend those last waking moments just before I drift off eating whatever I can manage.   I'm also far more uncomfortable trying to sleep than I'd care for.  That gets better, right?  And when I wake up I come to like a tipped-over cow.  I'm not a pretty sight first thing in the morning.  I'm sure this is as bad as it will get.  Right?  Boy, I sure am glad I'm over the worst of it.  I have a pre-natal yoga dvd but I still haven't felt quite up to doing it.  I did watch some of it the other day from the couch so at least the wrapper's off.

Yep, it's gonna be smooth sailing from here.

April 23 2010

Near as I can figure, Junior will graduate from high school in 2028 when I'm 55.  Am I too old for this?  Some days I feel like I can barely manage myself.  I hear exercise makes labor go easier.  Now there's an endorsement for a regular workout routine if I ever heard one. 

I imagine that with my baby daddy, Junior will look something like the baby pictured here.  I just hope I don't have to pass the glasses.