Playing

Sunday we all got together at my in-laws house.  Simon loves to run around their back yard.  Yesterday he got to do it with all his cousins.  It was really emotional for me to watch.  It always does my heart good to see him running around outside.  He really loves doing that.  But watching him do it with his cousins was a whole new experience.  He seems so big to me, but seeing him with them he looked so small.  He tried so hard to keep up with them but just couldn't and didn't seem to mind a bit.  It didn't matter how many times he fell down, he kept getting right back up again to join in the fun.  He's been fairly secluded from people and other kids that just being in their midst was serious joy.  One of the older kids would slow down and help him along from time to time which really warmed my heart.  And when the biggest cousin picked Simon up so he could look over the fence to see the DOG! on the other side, that was really freaking awesome. 

I was also emotional because I spent a great deal of time watching him from in the house.  It was the first time he really seemed to be "on his own" at all.  I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I got a little preview of what it will be like to send him off to school where he won't have his mommy right next to him.  I really hope then that he'll just be one of the fellas.  He looked so vulnerable, just like he'll be in kindergarten.  The kids better be nice to him.  I can't think of a reason why they wouldn't, but kids don't need a reason.  I never fit in at school.  I know what that pain can be.  But as bad as it was, I think it would be a hundred times worse to see it happen to Simon.

Part of why I was so emotional may also have been because he went to Nursery for the first time yesterday.  We walked in and the kids were all at a table playing with playdough.  I helped him to a seat and kneeled next to him as I tried to explain that if another kid is using a thing he can't just take it.  I got a tub of dough for him and helped him try to share and play.  We didn't stay but 10 minutes, but watching him sit there with his new pals just made him feel so big.  Someday excruciatingly soon his world is going to be bigger than Mommy and Daddy and I wouldn't want for anything else, but it all seems so fast.  His world has been so small for so long it's a real shell-shock for me.

I wish I could have gotten some pictures of him playing outside yesterday.  I was too busy just soaking it all up.  I did get one not great picture on my phone.  But I know I'll never forget how he looked just running trying to be one of the fellas.