September

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  I've thought about it more this year than last.  I guess last year I was too busy living it.  What's really brought it home for me this year is reading the daily postings of two mothers with pre-schoolers who lost their battle.  Each one is posting a bit each day throughout the month.  I tend to read about Aidan in the morning and Donna in the evening.  It hits home that not all kids are as lucky as my dear Simon.  I've delighted in their little spirits and my heart has broken with their mothers'.  One mother had to sign a DNR for her son.  The other died a little each time her daughter told her what she'd be doing when she turned 8 or 9, her mother knowing she wouldn't live to see 5.  I've actually been dreading the end of the month for I know what I shall read.  My heart has been heavy today because of what I've read.  I've cried buckets of tears.  I fear I shall also tomorrow.

Why do I do this to myself?  I really thought about that yesterday and today.  I do it to honor the children.  I do it to remind myself that our family is very lucky.  I do it because if we weren't I'd be mad as hell and would be doing just what those mommies are doing.  I'd want everyone to know about Simon to raise awareness.  I'd want to make sure he didn't die in vain.  I'd want everyone to read about him. 

I'm really feeling the need to do something for the hospital or families dealing with this now.  There is one organization that lets you adopt a family for Christmas.  I think I'd like to do that.  I want to do something beautiful in Simon's name.  In a bout of insomnia the other night I happened upon two other moms with kids who have/had clear cell also.  One is going through treatment now.  It takes me back to a year ago.  And speaking of which, here is where we were a year ago.  He doesn't even look like the same boy.  I'm so proud of how far he's come.  He had scans last week (bone and CT) and all came out clear.  I'm so happy. 

Friend

We have a new woman watching Simon now.  She's a lady from church with 5 or so kids of her own.  One is a 3 year old boy.  He just started going there yesterday, but by all accounts it's going swimmingly.  Word on the street is he's been behaving himself and even got a nap today.  Her elementary school daughters came home and loved doting on him.  He didn't even care when Daddy left him there.

This morning after I left I'm told he grabbed his bag and went to the front door.  He kept saying "I friend!"  He was so anxious to go see his friend.  He's been so isolated for so long he hasn't really been around kids except his cousins.  It's so awesome and sweet to know he now has a friend.  It kinda makes me verklempt.  Apparently today when he went over there his pal came to the door and the two of them took off to go play.  It's something so small but it still makes me so proud of him.

L for Love

The picture above is from Dodgeball.  Blaine and I saw this on our honeymoon and it was awesome.  It was us in movie form.  It was nonsense.  It had a filmstrip.  It had a water-skiing squirrel.  It had everyone in it ever.  It had ESPN 8 - The Ocho!  In this picture the wife is making the loser sign and her husband takes it to mean "L for love."  Blaine and I picked it up and do it all the time, especially when saying goodbye.

Lately Simon has taken to doing it too.  He hasn't quite got it down yet.  He kind of points to the top of his head with his fingers all spread out.  But it's the cutest thing ever.  He can't yet say "I love you" but he can do this.  Sadly, someday he's going to grow up and realize how odd his parents are.  Someday he'll probably figure out that it means something else to the rest of the world.

You Are My Sunshine

The husband is working late tonight so I got to tend to Simon all on my own.  I had to work late (yes, really!) and got home a little before 8:00.  Simon had been asleep for about an hour and hadn't really had a proper dinner.  I debated if I should wake him up or let him sleep.  The clincher was that the kid wets through a diaper quicker than I can say piddle so I figured I better at least change his diaper.  When I woke him up I asked if he was hungry.  He said yes, so I changed his diaper and got him up.  I decided to make him a waffle and some eggs.  Man, he tore through the egg so I made him another.  He picked at the waffle.

As an aside, we've been wanting to get a stereo for the living room but haven't gotten around to it yet.  I finally set up the Pandora on the Roku so we have some music now.  Simon is LOVING it.  He dances his little heart out.

We had music on while he ate.  I let him sit on my lap.  It was so quiet and peaceful.  I kept the lights down and kept kissing his head.  I love the smell of his hair.  He held froggy while he ate.  It won't be so much longer before he's too big to sit on my lap, but I can still cuddle him.  I got him in for a quick bath.  He hated every second of it, but it really does help him sleep better.  Then we cuddled on the couch listening to the lullaby station and he fell asleep in my lap as we listened to "To Make You Feel My Love".

We heard "You Are My Sunshine" once or twice which made me think of when he was born.  Eons ago there was this show called "Murphy Brown" that I liked.  She sang that song to her newborn son in the hospital and for some reason it always stuck with me.  When we were waiting to be sprung from the hospital with Simon, Daddy was asleep in the bed and I held Simon in the chair and sang that to him. 

It was such a lovely evening which I needed after a stressful day at work.  To have a quiet evening with Simon is such a treat.

6 Months Later

Simon passed the 6 months clean from chemo mark a few days ago.  I forget just how bald he was.  He never looked terribly sickly to me.  He just looked like Simon.  But looking back it must have been pretty obvious he was a sick little boy because I look at pictures and they don't even look like they're of the same kid.  You did it, son.  You showed cancer who's boss.  And someday you'll show the world you're the boss.  You make your mom proud.

He loved looking at the baby on the thermometer.

The Victor.  Just finished with chemo.

Yakkity Sax

Simon more or less quit growing for the 6 months he was on chemo.  He's starting to catch up a bit but it's still a challenge to find pants that will not fall down.  I think I figured out part of the problem.  The boy does not stop moving.  His latest obsession is falling and tries to climb up stuff to fall off.  He runs back and forth down the hallway of our little apartment constantly also.  I am completely convinced his life would best be viewed at 2x speed set to Yakkity Sax.  Heck, I'm not even sure you need to speed it up all that much.  It is great to see him have energy. 

An Afternoon at the Museum

My parents got us a membership to the Children's Museum of Houston for Simon's birthday.  Today I was bound and determined to get him there.  He slept until 2:30 and it was about 4:00 when we got there which left us 2 hours of merriment.  We had the grandest time.  We started out in the baby/toddler area.  He looks so big with the other kids there and definitely took a shine to the little ball pit.  Then we explored some other areas we hadn't been to before that show how things work and whatnot.  He had great fun there as well.  But the bad thing is he's really kind of in between the really little kids and the big kids.  He has none attention span for me to show him what he's supposed to do at the exhibits but spent a great deal of time pretending to talk to Daddy on one of their many phones.  But he didn't really seem to care.  He ran from one thing to the next before zipping on to something else. 

We took a break and had snacks and then went out to the outdoor part that has all these water activities you can do.  He especially loved it because it started to rain, and aside from falling, rain is his other big love right now.  He and I were the only ones out there for a while as other parents had the good sense to come in.  But I didn't much care.  Our lives are pretty well back to "normal", whatever that is but sometimes I think back to what he's been through and just say the heck with it.  If he wants to be out in the rain, he's gonna be out in the rain.

We went back in and walked through their little city shops area and into the vet.  There were stuffed dogs and cats all over.  One spot had an x-ray on the wall of a dog's abdomen.  I've seen lots of pictures like that before, but of a little boy so I kind of took notice. Then I saw there was an arrow pointing to a "mass" in the belly of the dog.  It looked so familiar.  I just stood there and looked at it for a while.  I held Simon a little closer.  We went into the grocery store where he picked out apples and put them back and we got a balloon before heading home.

It was a good day.  He had all the fun and was pretty good.  Now he's fighting sleep by playing in his crib.  Simon, you played so hard.  You've earned a good night's sleep.