September

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  I've thought about it more this year than last.  I guess last year I was too busy living it.  What's really brought it home for me this year is reading the daily postings of two mothers with pre-schoolers who lost their battle.  Each one is posting a bit each day throughout the month.  I tend to read about Aidan in the morning and Donna in the evening.  It hits home that not all kids are as lucky as my dear Simon.  I've delighted in their little spirits and my heart has broken with their mothers'.  One mother had to sign a DNR for her son.  The other died a little each time her daughter told her what she'd be doing when she turned 8 or 9, her mother knowing she wouldn't live to see 5.  I've actually been dreading the end of the month for I know what I shall read.  My heart has been heavy today because of what I've read.  I've cried buckets of tears.  I fear I shall also tomorrow.

Why do I do this to myself?  I really thought about that yesterday and today.  I do it to honor the children.  I do it to remind myself that our family is very lucky.  I do it because if we weren't I'd be mad as hell and would be doing just what those mommies are doing.  I'd want everyone to know about Simon to raise awareness.  I'd want to make sure he didn't die in vain.  I'd want everyone to read about him. 

I'm really feeling the need to do something for the hospital or families dealing with this now.  There is one organization that lets you adopt a family for Christmas.  I think I'd like to do that.  I want to do something beautiful in Simon's name.  In a bout of insomnia the other night I happened upon two other moms with kids who have/had clear cell also.  One is going through treatment now.  It takes me back to a year ago.  And speaking of which, here is where we were a year ago.  He doesn't even look like the same boy.  I'm so proud of how far he's come.  He had scans last week (bone and CT) and all came out clear.  I'm so happy.