No, you don't know.

Yesterday I was having a really hard time with this whole hospital thing.  Blaine and I are both kind of at the ends of our ropes.  I feel so much pressure in every area of my life right now.  And a lot of things are making me really mad and frustrating me.  This is a short list.

• No, you don't know what I'm going through, nurse.  I know you're just doing your job, but please don't pretend you "know how hard this is."  Your job is to be at the hospital.  Mine is not.  I have work piling up while I'm there.  I have a filthy home I haven't had a chance to clean.  I left a pile of soaking dishes in the sink which is now moldy because I had to rush my boy to the emergency room.  I have to juggle my schedule with that of my husband's.  We have bosses to appease.  We haven't had a decent night's sleep since we got there.  We've been subsisting on scraps from Simon's tray and horribly unhealthy junk when our family isn't taking two hours out of their day to make sure we are fed. 
• No, you don't know how hard it is for Simon, nurse.  Think about it.  He's a one year old boy who as far as he can tell is perfectly fine.  He gets held down by 3 and 4 people at a time and poked in his chest or hand or foot.  His poor bottom is beet red.  He's not allowed to play on the floor.  And he understands none of this.  He can't possibly understand this is for his own good.  Do not condescend to tell him life is so rough for him.
• I do not care if you have snow cones, a juggler, musicians, books, or are having a skeet shooting contest.  Please do not bang on the door, open it, and shout in some horribly inappropriate activity for the patient who is obviously too young to join your little parachuting expedition. 

Maybe I'm a decent mom on occasion

Me and my handsome balding boy.

I had a really good night with Simon while Daddy was at work.  We turned off the tv and got on the floor and played.  We didn't run errands.  We just played.  He took a ton of steps and I'd almost call him a walker.  But not quite, in as much as he is still crawling and falling down a fair bit.  But it was awesome to see.  Then we had dinner.  I actually "cooked".  We had mac & cheese.  He actually ate more fruit and veggies than mac & cheese.  He was eating lettuce.  LETTUCE, I tell you!  And carrots!  And grapes!  And red cabbage!  It was amazing.  We read several books.  I gave him a bath.  He sort of let me brush his teeth.  I rocked him and nuzzled the back of his neck like I enjoy doing so much. 

Then I had to put him in bed.  Since we got home from the hospital he's had a rough time getting to sleep.  He used to be fine going down and would play or amuse himself until he fell asleep.  Now, however, he screams as if he's pleading with every fiber of his being for me to stay.  He stands in his crib and hugs the tar out of me.  It kind of breaks my heart.  Tonight he was asleep before I could get out of his room and sit down at the computer though.  Sometimes I just wish I could snuggle him all night.  He's still my baby.