One more

My Dear Simon,

Tomorrow we go for your last round of chemo.  The thought brings tears to my eyes.  It's odd, really, because it's not so much for the reason you'd think.  In a way I feel kind of like you're graduating kindergarten or some such milestone.  Like this is just another sign of you growing up.  Like this is something every kid does.  Don't get me wrong.  I am ready for this to be over.  But at the same time it's been an amazing journey.  You've grown up a lot.  You've gotten several teeth and learned to walk.  And you've amazed me and everyone who's seen you through this.  Dr. Thompson always remarks what an exceptional guy you are.  I believe the word he uses is phenomenal.  Through everything you haven't lost your spirit.  I was so afraid of that in the beginning.  I didn't want you to become afraid of people or turn inward.  Granted, you start crying at the sight of the nurse sometimes and I don't dare let you see the mask.  But you are still the same boy I've grown to love so much.

Through this all, I've repeatedly said that I wish you could understand what's going on.  Tonight I wish you could understand that this is a big time for you and it will all be over so soon.  But here is my real wish for you.  I pray that you forget all the hurt and scared and sick.  I pray that you remember all the love and smiles and waves from nurses.  I pray that you always remember that you beat cancer and you did it so well. 

Tonight at the mall we happened upon some Brobee shoes and I couldn't help but buy them for you.  I justified it to myself (and will with Daddy later tonight) by saying it's your treat for being done with chemo.  I wish I could get you something that is more appropriate.  I wish I could get you what you've earned.  But honestly, I have no idea what that is and even if I did I couldn't afford it.  Maybe we can just call it even when you get to go to nursery in a few weeks and play with other kids and not get shots every day.  It doesn't come close to what you've earned but it's the best I can do right now.

Love,
Mommy