My mommy's a prankster!

I have some little memories I need to capture before I forget them and this is one...


I got Simon up one morning after he'd slept through the night.  We're talking 8 hours.  And much to my surprise/horror his diaper was bone dry.  How does he not wet a diaper all night???  Is something wrong?  Is something stopped up?  Being a nervous first time mom, I wanted to check things out.  What better way than putting his hand in a bowl of warm water.  Sure enough his diaper was soaked about 5 minutes later.  I'm just getting him ready for Scout Camp one day.

I'm 12 Weeks!

A lazy Sunday morning

It was 12 weeks ago this morning I woke up feeling very groggy and realized I was about to have a baby.  I've really grown into motherhood.  I know I'm going to have to get up at 5:00 most mornings to feed him and get him back to sleep just in time for me not to be able to go back to bed.  I love watching Daddy play guitar for him because he loves it so.  And I love watching him grow and holding his little hands.   My thoughts aren't terribly coherent at this time in the morning, but I feel so lucky to be his mommy.

Mommy's in real trouble.

Simon when he was just a baby.  His newborn onsie was BIG on him!

Tonight I was feeding Simon and he was more awake than I cared for at 9:00 at night.  I'd read him Corduroy.  I also had Goodnight Moon, but was saving that for when he was really falling asleep.  I decided I should sing to him.  I started thinking about what I could sing and immediately lost it for a few seconds.  Memories came flooding back of when he was just a little baby and I had a time getting him to sleep.  I'd rock and sing and rock and sing.  Now we've got the routine down pretty good.  He gets a bath which cures whatever ails him, then swaddled, then one last bottle, then off to bed.  He's usually good from about 9:00 - 5:00.  He sleeps like a champ. 

So, if I'm this weepy and nostalgic for the days when he was tiny and he's only 11 weeks old now, how bad is it going to be in a year, in 10 years, in 20?  Yep, I'm really in for it. 

The Birth

Our first family photo

I suppose it's about time I record the particulars of Simon's birth.  It seems so long ago now.  I was due on April 22nd and they let me go until Monday, May 3rd before inducing.  I had to show up at the hospital bright and early, but first we went out for breakfast... a sort of last meal, if you will.  Our server at Denny's was a bit... special.  I ordered French toast and she kept trying to push extra powdered sugar on me.  It was kind of like the kid in front of Ralphie in the line for Santa.  "I like powdered sugar.  It's really good powdered sugar."  Yeah, whatever.  I'm about to go do the scariest thing I'll ever do, but I'm sure an extra sprinkling of powdered sugar will help.  When she found out we were going to the hospital she told us she wants to see the baby.  Again, yeah.  Actually, not on your life. 

So we get to the hospital and check in.  They're prepping my room and Blaine and I had a couple of minutes to kill.  We started talking about baby names, even though we'd already picked them out.  Somehow I mentioned Donkey Kong Leavitt and man, did that ever crack me up.  I kind of scared Blaine because this was before I'd had any medication.  Finally they called me back to my room.  They hooked me up to the monitors and put in the IV.  I still wasn't dilated so they had to give me something to soften me up.  I flipped through the crappy daytime TV and oil spill coverage while the contractions began.  It was great fun to watch the monitor and printout of my "labor".  Toward the afternoon I started to get pretty uncomfortable.  I was trying to breathe through them but it was getting harder and harder.  They got bad enough that I was crying out in pain.  I'm really doing this, or so I thought.

Mom and Dad were coming in the next day.  I was really hoping to have a baby for them when they got there.  That evening they checked me.  No dice.  I wasn't doing any better than when I came in.  I was pretty frustrated I went through all that pain for no visible benefit.  They came in and gave me some pain killers that night and I went nite nite pretty darn quick after that.

Tuesday was much the same as Monday.  Start the meds to dilate me.  Price is Right.  Oil spill.  Malcolm in the Middle.  Ouchie mama!  Speaking of mama, Mom and Dad came to hang out with me in the hospital.  It was good to see them and though I was sorry they were stuck hanging out at the 'Taub, it was pretty cool my mom got to be there to watch her only daughter take labor like a wuss.  I have no pain tolerance, mind you.  Every time I'd have a contraction I would tense up and people would tell me to breathe.  I was also dealing with a large foot in my lung and a blood pressure cuff that would go off every 10 minutes and would pump up entirely too tight.  That almost hurt worse than the contractions.  So I was starting to get a bit, shall we say, testy.  I was trying to inform the nurses that I was well aware I need to breathe.  I've heard it a hundred times.  I get it.  I'm just in a tremendous amount of pain and my body reacts thusly.  That evening I get checked again and still nothing.  At that point I start to get really testy.  I start to think a C section isn't sounding so bad. 

The night shift comes on and my new nurse was awful.  I admit, I'd pretty well had by then.  I'd definitely lost my good nature.  I'd been "in labor" for two days with nothing to show for it and no real end in sight, so far as I could tell.  I had to have someone unhook me to go to the bathroom.  I'd seen about 400 hours of local news and updated my Facebook status some 94 times.  I was ready to be done with this nonsense.  This new nurse told me to breathe.  I told her, "I know.  I'm trying."  So she sez, "No, you're not trying."  This is where Gretchen looses her freaking mind.  On a good day I don't like people making assumptions about what's going on inside me and this has been less than a good day.  Any good humour I'd had about the situation was gone.  Give me my freaking pain killers now or I won't be responsible for my actions.  Blaine got pretty upset with her because she was arguing about the meds and I don't even remember what.  But guess what... I got a new nurse.

The midwife came in that night around maybe 8:00 or so and said since I wasn't dilating they'd like to use a foley bulb to force my cervix open.  I agreed I'd been there long enough with no progress.  Let's do this.  Keep in mind, I'd hollered in pain every time I got checked.  When she tried to insert the bulb it was even worse.  Plus, she couldn't reach far enough so she called someone with longer fingers.  That nurse couldn't get it.  So they called a third.  She was able to reach and informed me I was at 3!  Holy cow, now we were cooking with grease.  No bulb for me, I was doing this all on my own like a big girl.

They started the pitocin and gave me something to relax me.  I was offered the epidural but wanted to wait.  It had taken 36 hours to get to 3.  As far as I could tell there was no way of knowing how long before I was 10.  I woke up about midnight in horrible pain.  Luckily it didn't all register with me.  It was very odd.  But I was ready for that epidural.  About 20 people came in to do it.  I was very out of it which was good because I heard one guy telling this gal how to do it.  Great, I thought.  A trainee.  Luckily all went well and it didn't hurt nearly like I was afraid it would.  I went off to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night to have my water broken.  Luckily they did it there at the hospital because they found some meconium in the water.  If it had happened while I was home or wherever I might not have noticed. 

I really woke up later on that morning.  I could feel pressure but no pain per se.  Then about 9:00 I felt a LOT of pressure and told the nurse that I thought I had to push.  Sure enough, I was 10.  Blaine called my parents who were on their way anyway.  I pushed like a champ.  Once I felt the head with my hand and said I couldn't feel any hair.  Blaine was at my head holding my hand.  He encouraged me on.  It was at this time they told me about the meconium and that they'd have to rush the baby off as soon as (s)he was born.  I didn't like hearing that.  The one thing from my birth plan I was adamant about was I wanted the baby laid on me as soon as it was born and I wanted to nurse right away.  That wasn't going to happen.

Finally, at 9:43 I saw this little red and white covered body shoot out of me.  I couldn't believe it.  It was over.  I'd done it.  I'd birthed me a baby.  The first words out of my mouth were "I made a baby!"  I didn't hear any crying and said so.  They assured me all was well.  They were suctioning the baby off and I finally asked, um, excuse me, but what is it?  I was told it was a boy and they held him up for about .0003 seconds before running off with him, Blaine right behind them.  He nearly ripped out my epidural in his scramble to get out.  While they were vacuuming my son they finished up with me. 

I'm new!

Everything after that is really a blur.  There are a few short film clips and in one I mention how dopey I felt.  When they brought him to me finally I just stroked his cheek.  It was terribly surreal.  I felt like I was in a movie.  It hadn't sunk in that this was my baby.  This is exactly why I wanted him on and with me right away.  The way it happened it took me a few days to really bond with him.  Maybe it would have been the same either way.  I'll never know.

After we'd held him, Blaine went out to tell Grandma and Grandpa Ringel.  I wish I could have seen their faces. Apparently mom mom was pretty excited.  They came and held him.  I got moved to another room, and then another.  Grandma and Grandpa Leavitt and Aunt Kim came by.  I was totally loopy, tired, and drugged.  Everyone left after a bit and I zonked out.  The rest of my stay in the hospital was awful.  We could hardly wait to get out.  While we were waiting to be discharged Blaine was sleeping.  I picked up Simon and sang "You Are My Sunshine."  I still definitely didn't feel like we'd really bonded, but maybe we were starting to.  

Trying out the car seat.

Having a moment with Mommy.

Hey! That smarts!

Simon sleeping it off

Yesterday we took Simon for his two month check up.  The doctor looked real hard but couldn't find anything wrong with him except for excessive amounts of awesome.  He's 24 inches and 12 pounds.  She remarked that he's going to be a tall one.  The best part of the whole visit was he got his shots!  What little kid doesn't love that?  The whole time we were there he was all smiles and cooing.  It was kind of sad how blissfully unaware he was.  Then the nurse left to get the shots and I started to get upset. 

I started to feel really guilty for poisoning my son with vaccinations.  I know it's highly debatable whether or not they can cause Autism, but even the anecdotal evidence is enough to scare the bejeezus out of me.  All I could think of is what if this is the last time I get to hold the son that I know.  He truly is an exceptionally cheerful and happy baby.  I don't want to lose that.  I still hope I made the right decision.

He managed to survive his shots.  He screamed and turned red, but he survived.  And so far he seems to still be himself.  After the doctor, I had to go back to work while Daddy got to bring the little guy home for some Father-Son time.  Apparently Simon objected to the shots the rest of the afternoon, screaming his poor little heart out.  I was implored to please text rather than call when I was leaving work to keep from waking Simon up or disturbing him.  And could I please, for the love of God, bring some children's Tylenol with me.  And Daddy has a migraine.

When I got home Simon was finishing a bottle.  We gave him the Tylenol and he fell asleep.  That's when I took the picture above.  When he woke up he couldn't have been more cheerful.  It looks like the medicine really did the trick.  Daddy was so glad to see his boy smile.  He loves his son a powerful lot.  I pray all will continue to go well.  It would break my heart a million different ways if I were to lose the happy Simon I love.